"Faith is the refusal to panic."

So, I guess I've been in the midst of a Faith crisis. Maybe I am always in the midst of a crisis of faith? I feel like the past two years have been the desert of my life. I've been walking in circles trying to figure out what God is doing. I'm usually not one to whine about my life but girlfriend things have been ROUGH! Just trying to keep my kids happy, healthy, safe is enough to bring me to my knees these days. These are the things that I am realizing. Not because I want to but because God is revealing to me these things... in a painful and difficult way sometimes.

#1 I am in love with Seth.
I fear for all my fighting it, (Ask Seth, I have fought it) I am totally and completely Seth's. He is exactly what I never thought I wanted. He is sensitive, gentle, loving, tender. Not at all what I have ever been attracted to but what God always wanted for me. Coming to the conclusion that God knew me better then I did is both a good thing and something that causes me to want to hit my head against my desk repeatedly. Why oh why does it take me so long to learn the hard lessons of life? Trust me Josie, says God and I say...but, God... and I wonder why it takes me so long to get where God wants me to be?! Seth is my best friend, has been my best friend, sometimes even my only friend. Finally, when I stop begging for love it shows up in the shape of a friend I've had for 8 years. Thank God for the blessing that is Seth. I'll really try not to mess this up.

#2 I have a problem with Anxiety.
I am meditating on this scripture for help. Proverbs 12:25 says Anxiety is the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad. My good word is the bible. I am making a promise to myself and God to read my bible daily no mater what. I will not let the things of this world make me anxious. I shall not complain about my circumstances. Griping and complaining ultimately reveal my lack of faith. God has not forgotten me, he knows what he is doing. I shall not let these thoughts out of my mouth or even entertain them in my head. "Internal conversation expresses discontent and dissatisfaction with the present." (Psalms 42:5)

#3 I have serious control issues.
I will with great faith move forward with God's leading and control over my life. I am done trying to control. I have a tiny control issue when it comes to my life. If you know me, you know this. I can't control everything and every one's feelings, I've tried. I can at this point only do my best to glorify God in everything I do. I am a very transparent person. I will be the first one to say that I have made some very big, very stupid mistakes but usually it was because I didn't want to follow God's plan for my life rather be in the drivers seat and let God tag along. Maybe it is my quick approaching 30 or maybe it is just the building number of mistakes I have made but I am giving up control. God use me. 1 Chronicles 4:9

Maybe you are dealing with your purpose, or control or maybe just struggling with anxiety? Be bold in your prayers to God for his guidance and discernment. He alone can free you. He has started a good work in you, He will finish that good work.

Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient... and prayerful always. Romans 12:12 TLB