I don't know how many people know that when I was 17 a producer for Sony/BMG and their Christian label heard me sing at church. I don't remember his name now. I don't remember all of the details but that I wouldn't be able to go to college and that it was scary. In fact I don't think I have thought about it much at all since then. This week with all the stuff going on with one of my students it has been on my mind. I didn't sign with them or pursue any of the ideas they had for my future because to be honest I didn't think I could do it. I had AWFUL body image problems and let's face it the only big girl doing the Christian music thing was Sandi Patty and I KNEW I wasn't as good as her. Have you heard the notes that woman can hit? For real, it is SICK! So, basically out of pure self doubt I walked away. Then this week when my student needed a pep talk and was about to walk away I became the person I needed 11 years ago. I got behind the pulpit and started preaching to her. Now mind you my student is BEAUTIFUL. She has WAY more talent then I did at her age and I think she has a better grasp of who she is as an artist. I myself was clueless. Ok fast forward back to this week and my dear and loving husband takes me to a Casting Crowns concert along with Leeland and John Waller (who also blew me away.) One of my very favorite Christian bands is Casting Crowns. They were AWESOME. One of the women in the group, Megan Garrett reminded me so much of myself. It was almost eerie. She is a big girl. In fact we were wearing the same jeans. We could have traded clothes. Her voice is so similar to mine. It is a beautiful, powerful Mezzo voice. I was so proud of her. She rocked. We made eye contact a few times while we were both singing. (Did I tell you my awesome husband got me amazing tickets?) All I could think of was the choices I had made and how they got me to that moment. Sitting on the other side of the stage with my husband. I realized at that concert that the only thing that holds us back from God's plans is our fear. I was so full of fear at 17. I was a big ball of mess. Hot mess as Ruby would say. But what is fear? Fear my friends is thoughts not of God. Thought of the enemy used to hold us back. How else can he control us? I had some major moments. God was very strongly speaking to me about my life from here forward. I've decided from here on out I am living my life even larger for Christ. I won't let anything or anyone keep me from who God wants me to be.
Even more then that I won't let the people I love be less then who they are in Christ. I will encourage those in my daily life to live to the fullest in joy!
Prayer: Beautiful Savior,
Can you hear the cries of your daughter for all off your beautiful children in my life.
Lord may you use all of my past; good and bad, right or wrong to help others.
Father, I lay my life to you. Use me. I want your Spirit to shine through me and wash over others in a way that brings comfort, love and peace that only comes with life in you.
Lord I am so thankful for my life. I am so blessed you call me yours.
In Jesus name.
AMEN
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